You can strip and you can peel, peel away all the layers until you reach the core, but for what price? Is there ever a time when you feel like you scrapped to far, dug too deep, forgot about why you started digging in the first place? Take a step back and examine yourself, but this time with decency.
I didn’t think things would get this out-of-hand. I tried so hard to make you believe in yourself, to make you believe in us. Another false hope, another drawn out memory. I am nothing to be proud of. Another beggar searching for an exit. I cant live like this, a constant state of regret coated with another disappointment. What do I do? Who do I turn to when there’s nothing left, when you see how weak I really am. A broken mess made up of scraps, pieces that no one wants. Layers upon layers, covering what’s really inside, hurt. I can’t do this on my own…or can I?
Lets face it; I’m only fooling myself.
Christianity is becoming a big cause of denial, a lot of the time leading to the feeling of abandonment, or the feeling of being un-loved. You can call yourself whatever you want, you can believe in whatever you want, but until you can over-look certain aspects of a person and show them love, like Jesus would, I don’t believe your faith is any stronger than theirs. Being a homosexual, an atheist or an alcoholic ect. should have no impact on how you treat someone. What would God say? Would his love for that person be less? I personally don’t think so. In fact, the Bible make’s it clear that those are the people Jesus would hang around. So why do you shut them out? Why do you think people are so afraid of even going to church? Being looked down on, being shown little respect, and to top it off, you read off every single Bible verse that shows them how their wrong, only making them sink deeper. How are you any different from the rest of the people that tell them there wrong everyday? How can you stand up there and tell someone Jesus is love when you can’t love those broken people yourself? How can you say God has changed your life when your not willing to reach out to those who need him most, instead you avoid them, letting your ego drive, not your heart. Saying your a christian really means nothing. As far as I’m concerned, were missing the point.
Regret. Regret. Regret. I constantly convince myself that I’m gonna make a difference for once; that I’m not gonna be scared any longer, but that just becomes another daily routine. Day after day, I sit and watch the same thing, but never do I take a step, a weak coward, nothing more, nothing less. Why is this so hard? I have a million things that I want to say, but the words seize to leave my mouth. Unsettled and afraid, oh so afraid. In the end I know only I will be the one at fault. When you let the person you love just wash away, becoming nothing more than another piece of the vast sea, just because you let a simple fear control who you are, you can’t help but live with shame and sorrow. Those words assembled for her ears become rehearsed feelings that never see light. Year after year you discover no discharge, no re-set key, just reality settling in. No matter how firm you stand, no matter how hard you pray or fight, that one chance disappears, forcing the memories to mean nothing more than an act of remorse. I hope to God I don’t let my uncertainties embrace me. When the ocean carries its waves, you are one-person ill hold onto no matter what. No matter how strong the current comes, I’ll fight like a man. For once, I’m gonna be a man. Regret is forever, forever could be us.
This world has placed scars that have dug deep into me and prevented me from growing. I struggle with various thing’s, and often find myself regretting what I’ve done, or who I have become. I find myself sitting alone in my room trying to figure thing’s out but it just leave’s me with more emptiness and regret to think about. I know I have messed up and I know I push to hard. I’m angered by that fact. My selfishness always seems to win but in the end it’s always a loss. I miss when i was younger and didn’t have any responsibilities, but we all grow up sometime right?
There is a god who is jealous for us, he is gonna just keep chasing us man. He want’s to be with us and have a relationship with us, he will meet us where ever we are in our lives and offer us a gift that no one can ever buy. Man his love and security is so great, he want’s to live forever with us. Were such beautiful people to him, and he wants our hearts, he wants us to build his kingdom, and make his great name famous.
I was reading something Aaron was talking about so I thought I’d share, I added some of my own thought’s in there as well.
I hear a lot of people ask me, why is there so many different branches of Christianity, what makes them different? I’m still young but I can sense separation in the church from a mile away. It’s a war of doctrine, a war of who said what, and he believes this, and she affirms that. Why are we arguing as the church? Why are we fighting over what people are teaching? Have we forgotten what Paul says in 2 Timothy 2:14 “Remind everyone of these thing’s, and command them in god’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin them who hear them”. We can ruin the whole purpose of the church by arguing over words. We have such a platform as a church, “help the sick, offer shelter, and make Jesus famous. We exist for no other reason then to lift him up, and share his perfect love. Jesus is alive and it’s time we stop, and just say yes.
